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Lost or Found

Lost or Found

Do you know this feeling when you are sure that something inevitable is going to happen, but you don’t know how to feel about it? Should you listen to reason or to the heart? I am sure you know. Everybody knows.

Few months ago we realised that we are going to leave Croatia and go somewhere far, far away. It was just the feeling, without any idea where we will go, but we knew it is going to happen.

Obviously, first thing that activates in such situation is reason – how safe is the country, how is the economy, health insurance, education, business opportunities… We literally had map of the world in front of us and were just picking countries one by one and checking what is the situation there. After couple of days we realised we were more lost than before the search. In the end we decided to give universe an opportunity to show us how creative it is.

It all started in South Africa…
Shortly after that, we embarked on our journey to Johannesburg, South Africa, to participate in the opening of the temple. We enjoyed the time with our Gurudev there, not even thinking about next steps in life. (Un)Fortunately, this is the perfect moment for universe’s creativity to kick in. Exactly when you don’t expect it at all.

On the very last day of our stay in South Africa, we met few amazing people who invited us to visit Mauritius this year because Guruji is coming there. Unknowingly, with this simple innocent invitation they finished the search for us. The moment we heard word “Mauritius”, heart knew that this is the place where we need to go. So small country that our eyes couldn’t even find it on the map, which was in front of us!

Immediately after returning from South Africa, I sent message to Guruji asking if we can go to Mauritius. He knew about fight between reason and heart that was going within me, so he kept silent for about month and half. Why to make it easier if he doesn’t need, right? Then one night he came to my dream and gave me opportunity to ask him “in person” about my doubts. On my question about Mauritius, he answered: “You can go. It is actually good for you to go there for some time.” I was so happy because of his approval, however, when I woke up, I realised one thing. When he says that something is good, most probably it’s trouble in disguise.

At that point I was sure we are going to Mauritius. At that point I also knew something is waiting for me there. That is the funniest part. You know you are going to do something that’s not going to be easy, but you do it anyway because you know you have to.

From day one after we came to Mauritius, I started to live a dream. Literally a dream. Everything about Mauritius was so familiar – not like I know the country, but familiar by heart. Every single tree I would look at, ocean, roads, flowers, people, air, rain, smell, ground… Every single experience I had was like from the movie. Not created by me, not designed by me, not even lived by me. But it felt more real than anything else I have experienced before. At one point, it felt like otherworldly experience. I was not even sure what is going on.

When everything goes wrong…
One day we decided to go on trip around Mauritius with our very dear friend (who is charged guilty for participating in the plan of brining us to Mauritius). Every single thing that we have planned for this day was destroyed; due to weather, time, delays, stress, fear… Anything you can think of. Honestly I am not even sure how all this could happen in one day. Only explanation is that God is really creative. In the afternoon we were already so exhausted that we thought, best if we just go home and forget about this disaster. But sea was calling us. Whole day we wanted to go to nice beach to swim, but it was pouring rain.

Now, imagine that you are so stressed that just one tiny thing will make you pop like a popcorn. Did you imagine? I was feeling like that tiny corn. I was thinking whether to give one last chance to the universe to give us something nice, or to go back home. We decided to give it one more chance. We parked in some random forest, went on the beach, rain is pouring like it is the end of the world, wind blowing, not even a single soul at the beach. You just look at the endless ocean, huge powerful waves, grey sky and you are completely wet, regardless if you stay outside or swim in the ocean.

At that moment, with all the emotions accumulated throughout the day, I am just standing there motionless and observing myself and mind blowing scene in front of me. In one second I was charged with emotions 100%, in another second I was completely empty. Time has stopped. Nothing else mattered.

Only one thought passed through my mind. This is what I was looking for. This is the moment I lived somewhere, sometime, many times. This is the place where I need to be, right here, right now. I was totally lost and absolutely found at the same time.

Even today, I don’t know where this feeling came from, or what did whole experience mean. I know only one thing. Living in Mauritius is extreme. As stunning it is, it also gets challenging. It is ready to give you everything you are looking for (and I mean everything), but you need to be ready to receive it.

Facing biggest challenges of my life, while at the same time living the most beautiful time of my life has become Mauritian everyday standard. I would lie if I would say that I was expecting anything less before coming here, but yet, I am more surprised than I could ever be.

I still struggle with finding balance between feeling of isolation (because the fact is that Mauritius is at the end of the world) and blessings it gives. I know that the moment when you are feeling lost is perfect opportunity to find yourself, because at that moment you are forced to look within. You need to find connection within isolation. I need to find connection within isolation.

Stay connected
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